Thing Get Intertesting

June 30th, 2009

Yes, I am finally posting an adoption update. Don’t get too excited though - nothing really majorly good but there are some developments in the on-going drama that is our road to China so I thought I would share.

The most important stats first - if you recall our LID (Log In Date - the date our paperwork was accepted by China and by which our “place in line” is held) is 4/25/2006. As far as we can tell, China has made referrals to families with LIDs through 3/20/2006. The reason I say “as far as we can tell” is that the CCAA - the Chinese governmental agency in charge of adoptions - no longer publicly publishes the dates of referrals for each month. So the only way to know for sure how far they have gotten is from the agencies themselves - the CCAA has an on-line system that only the agencies have access to that says how far they get in each batch. Fortunately the Rumor Queen has been getting the information from her sources so we’re pretty sure how far they have gotten.

So, that means we are 36 LIDs away from our referral. Again, don’t get too excited because China has been averaging about 5 LIDs per monthly batch of referrals. Obviously this means some months have more than that and some have less. There is an outside chance, however, that we could actually see our referral this year and we will almost certainly (nothing being absolutely certain in China adoption) by early next year. Woot! That’s always supposing there isn’t any more of a slow down though - but things have been fairly stable at this rate for a while now so we have a good feeling about it. (Knocking on wood!)

In the meantime, we are redoing our USCIS paperwork again, which means a new round of homestudy paperwork. Because we let our original USCIS approval expire (do to abortive attempts at concurrent adoptions and just plain not wanting to spend time and money on things that were not forwarding our China adoption) we now fall under the Hague Adoption Convention requirements, which aren’t really that much more stringent that what we’ve already been through in all honesty. It just takes longer to get an approval than under a non-Hague process - not all countries are signatories but China is. Which is a Very Good Thing. We’re trying to really rush getting all our stuff in, both because we don’t know how long the approval will take and because we don’t have to re-do a few things one more time if we can help it. (Folks doing letters of recommendation, please get them in ASAP! Excuse the nag.)

We had our latest social worker visit last Sunday for the homestudy update and of course this was proceeded by another patented Janice cleaning frenzy. It really doesn’t matter how many times they tell us not to worry, I am going to worry about how my house looks when a person who gets to make decisions about our fitness for parenting comes over.  Well, the house looks pretty good and I feel like I accomplished something, so despite the stress I put on myself it was worth it.

Now because things cannot be interesting enough in our lives, in the midst of this, we got notice from our placing agency that they are closing their doors!  Mind you the email came last Monday and informed us they were closing as of June 30th (Yikes! That’s today. Goodbye, Harrah’s!) Just over a week’s notice. Nice, eh? Needless to say this was not a development with which we were particularly happy. I don’t really know the whole story but we’re a bit ticked by how this was done. We know that things have been harder for China-only agencies and since Harrah’s was essentially a China-only agency - their only other program was Vietnam which closed a while ago - we kinda suspected Harrah’s was on the rocks. But we were really hoping they would get through until we were done. And frankly the lack of communication on the state of the agency (and many other things but nevermind) is… annoying. (Understatement of the year there.)

The good news is that Hague Convention has requirements for transitioning clients when an agency goes out of business so we will a) NOT lose our place in line and b) be transferred to a new agency. Our new agency is CCAI. We are actually quite content with this - they were our second choice when we were originally chosing an agency but they were more expensive and larger so we preferred Harrah’s. We thought a smaller agency would be better for us because we wanted a very personal experience. CCAI has been extremely good about the transition. They have been very communicative, setting up a conference call for those with open files for instance, and sending individual welcoming emails to their new clients. The bad news is that they cannot take over our files for free so it is going to cost us more money. Sigh! Well, it’s small in the scheme of how much more we’ve spent till now that we though we would so we’ll take it. All in all, it could have been a much, much worse situation.

And lastly, we’re rethinking family names. We’re still wanting to create a new family name - it seems appropriate but are now not sure what it will be. Updates to follow as we come up with something.

So I hope that satisfies ya’ll for now. I wish I had something more positive to post but I think (knock on wood) we really are getting close to seeing our child’s face. Any prayers or energy toward that end are most welcome.

In other news, Oma is still hanging in there. It’s up and down, day to day. Again, prayers and energy most well. And be sure you tell your family/friends you love them today, folks. You never know what tomorrow brings.

I love you all!

Blessings,

Janice

Some Good News

June 7th, 2009

Oma is doing better. They were able to get the infection under control and though her kidneys are still worrying them and her blood sugar is still fluctuating, the doctors feel confident in moving her to a nursing home next week. The nursing home is in the same facility as her assisted living apartment so she knows a lot of the staff and her friends who live there can visit her again.

The underlying heart conditions are not improving of course. But she was able to celebrate her 88th birthday (happy birthday, Oma!) with family yesterday - we’ll take every day we are given now. Here’s to it being much longer than we all fear.

Blessings all!

Janice

And New Hampshire Makes Six (with Bonus Mini-Rant)

June 3rd, 2009

NH legislature voted for marriage equality today. The bill includes some really silly and needless “protections” for people who don’t believe in gays because the governor threatened to veto without it. Meh. Mostly harmless stuff so we’ll take it. At least he signed it. Gotta love the New England states. Oh, and Iowa. There is some hope New York will get on board though that sounds like it may be a long shot.

The tide is slowly turning on this issue. I certainly hope that Congress acts on DOMA and other ridiculous federal level restrictions on GLBT people but at least some states are making the some excellent moves.

In other news, our California legislature and governor all suck eggs. WTF people? Closing state parks!? Not to mention all the other places they are cutting, most of which effect people who can least afford to have their services cut (my cousin was getting medical help from a program that has now been cut!) But G-d forbid we should raise taxes on income or on corporations. Like oil companies (h/t to my hubby who brought this one up!) Yes, yes, they will all flee the state. Yeah, the oil companies will just move to… where precisely? Apparently we are like the only state that doesn’t charge the oil companies taxes on their processing of oil in our state. At a time when they are still seeing unbelievable profits, I think they can afford to throw a few dollars the way of our state.

Alright /rant. My blood pressure is rising.

Time to go pet a cat.

Blessings all!

Janice

Sad but Not Surprised

May 26th, 2009

Another political post. Skip if you don’t care to hear it. ;-)

Unfortunately, as many had expected, the California Supreme Court upheld Prop 8. At least they also upheld the marriages that were made during the brief time it was legal so my friends and the other roughly 18000 couples who married then have not been divorced by judicial decree. But it is a sad day nonetheless for my GLBT brothers and sisters.

I hope that this results in the community getting an organized political arm going so we can get this overturned at the ballot box either this year or 2010. Various protests are planned across the country today and then the big one on May 30th. If you have the time and inclination, I urge you to get involved.

The debate is on whether to put something on the ballot for 2010 or wait till 2012. I say it’s a no brainer - the sooner the better, THIS year if we could get our collective act together - but what do I know?

Some good news, Obama’s SCOTUS nominee is Sonia Sotomayor, who would be the first Latina on the Court if confirmed.

So, go hug your family. If you are legally married, be thankful you are and hug your spouse today.

Many blessings,

Janice

Update: The blog-o-sphere is an interesting place… Getting readings from lawyers who think there is more to be happy about in this ruling than just the fact that the justices didn’t annul the marriages of 18000 couples. Basically, they are arguing that the Supremes’ ruled same-sex couples are still entitled to all the rights and obligations that married couples have, they just cannot call it “marriage.” Which closes the door to any challenges to the rights of same-sex domestic partnerships or those couples married before the ban using Prop 8 as the tool. If this is true, it is a good thing, because there was a lot of worry that the language of Prop 8 could lead to such challenges. So, even though Prop 8 says Jim and Joe cannot marry, if they have a domestic partnership, Joe’s employer cannot refuse to grant Jim insurance benefits if said employer offers them to married and domestically partnered straight couples. Etc.

Now I am not fond of the “separate but equal” feel of this or the folks out there saying “let ‘em have the word “marriage” so long as we have the rights” or “the government should get out of the marriage business and everyone gets civil unions.” Because separate is never equal. The word marriage is not the sole property of religion (and one flavor of religion least of all) having been a secular term as long as it has been a religious one. And they can have my marriage license when the pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Being “married” is a universally understood concept with a host of connotations that “civil unions” and “domestic partnerships” just do not convey. I, for one, am not ready to concede that concept to the forces of bigotry.

Heart Weary

May 23rd, 2009

Aunt Joyce called to say that Oma is in the hospital. Her heart rate has been running over 200 and they have discovered another weakness in her heart as of yesterday (not sure exactly what it is - medical terminology in a foreign language is tough.) Her blood sugar levels have been all over the map and her kidneys now seem to be failing. On top of all that she has an infection and the antibiotics are not treating her system kindly.

Despite all this, Joyce says she is quite lucid and is much less prone to panic than she has been. She is even eating and drinking more regularly.

The doctors are of course doing what they can but the family is not very optimistic. It is hard to know what to ask for at this point. Just prayers that what is best for her come to pass. And energy for my family.  Especially Joyce and Arij, who are driving to the hospital in Breda every day (about 60 kms and roughly an hour’s drive each way depending on traffic.)

To my whole family, biological and chosen: I love you. (And an especially big hug to Heather! Thinking of you, dear.)

Everybody, check in, eh?

Blessings,

Janice

PS: I promise an update on adoption stuff soon though there really isn’t as much to report as I would like.

Kasteel de Haar

April 15th, 2009

Benji drove down from Ede to pick me and Arij up and then we traveled to Kasteel de Haar. We met up with Joram and his girlfriend Maaike and went for a very nice tour. The grounds were the site of a medieval castle that fell into ruins when the family that owned the land left for the southern Netherlands (present-day Belgium) after the ascendancy of the Protestant faith. It was later rebuilt by the Baron Etienne van Zuylen van Nijevelt in the late 1800s. The castle as it stands now was designed and the project overseen by the same architect of the Rijksmuesum in Amsterdam, Petrus Cuypers.

As befits a the nobility, not expense was spared or inconvenience allowed. The baron bought out the farmers living on the land surrounding the castle so that he could have a appropriate grounds, demolishing the village with the exception of the church, which Cuypers felt fit with the feel of the castle. They brought in fully grown trees from around Netherlands to fill the park because the Baron did not want the grounds to seem too new. The castle had hot and cold running water and electric lights - the Baron was so proud of the later fact that all of the light bulbs are visible to show them off properly.

The tour was in Dutch but they gave me an English translation of the tour guide’s spiel and there were little signs around in English as well as Dutch - I was able to catch some of what he said but mostly because I had already read it and could get the context with a few words. Benji and Maaike also helped fill me in on things that weren’t in the literature. Lead to funny moments because Joram would try to come tell me a story and I would have to say I already heard that. Finally Joram joked “What am I good for?” (Bit of an inside family in-joke - Joram is the official family tour guide as he is well-traveled, studies history and retains facts about places and things like you wouldn’t believe. So normally he would be the one giving all the details on any given excursion. Don’t worry, Joram, you’re still the resident expert!)

It is a stunning place but is currently under renovations due to the settling of the land and the consequent cracks in the foundation and walls of the castle. Pics only allowed outside of course but here are a few:

Main entrance to the ground

Main entrance to the ground

De Haar Castle

De Haar Castle

Swim anyone?

Swim anyone?

It even has a moat and draw-bridge

It even has a moat and draw-bridge

View from the bridge between the castle and the church

View from the bridge between the castle and the church

Ben, Joram, Arij and Maaike

Ben, Joram, Arij and Maaike

These are full grown domestic deer, residents of the castle grounds

These are full grown domestic deer, residents of the castle grounds

All castle grounds must have a lake of course

All castle grounds must have a lake of course

Ben and me

Ben and me

Joram and me

Joram and me

View of the castle across the lake

View of the castle across the lake

Anyway, had a nice evening with Oma and the rest of the family in residence in Goudswaard. Fried rice (lekker!) and chocolate and berry muffins for desert.

A quiet day tomorrow just relaxing with Oma and the rest. Jim and Ingrid will come in the evening to wish me farewell. Torn between wanting to stay another two weeks and wanting to go home but I really have done what I came to do.

See many of you very soon.

Much love and blessings,

Janice

Another Day

April 14th, 2009

So today Uncle Jim and I went to the Keukenhof - a botanical garden - together. I was torn about going because of course I want to spend time with Oma and though she was a bit better today, there was no way she had the strength to go. She is often short of breath and is more comfortable sitting up. She dozes a lot and is experiencing quite a bit of confusion. All expected signs but no less disturbing and hard to see.

I find it somewhat hard to really express the depth of my sorrow, both for myself and for my family. It has been precious time. A few more days left and I am finding it hard to think of going although I also long to be home with my beloved and the rest of my chosen family.

I was glad we went anyway though, because it is a lovely place and it was nice to have some bonding time with my Uncle Jim. Like the rest of the family, he is a really bright guy and has a wicked sense of humor and I really need to write him more often. (But isn’t that the case with all of my family? ) There are simply not enough hours in the day, I tell ya.

Poor Uncle Jim ran himself a bit ragged today because of the traffic around Eindhoven and I cannot begin to say how thankful I am that he would put up with all that just to pick me up and then drive some more! We walked around almost all of the gardens and exhibits, including the New York area. Funny to travel all the way to the Netherlands just to go to the Bronx!

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We walked on water:

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And climbed up a windmill:

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And of course saw a wonderful array of lovely flowers:

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Yes, it is an orchid. No, it apparently does not eat bugs.

Yes, it is an orchid. No, it apparently does not eat bugs.

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No kidding!

No kidding!

Got home kinda late due to traffic on the way home too. Rush hour in the Netherlands! But Joyce, Arij and Oma had just sat down to eat so our timing was perfect. After a very nice meal of leftovers from yesterday’s dinner, we spent some time looking at the pictures of the day. We sat and chatted for a while as well. Then Uncle Jim hit the road and I sat up for a time with Oma and Joyce.

Tomorrow, Ben and Joram are taking me to a castle to do some more sight-seeing. Should be really nice weather tomorrow - very warm for the time of year in Netherlands. Looking forward to it.

Many blessings to all and sundry,

Janice

Family Days

April 13th, 2009

Saturday turned out to be quiet for me and Oma. We talked when she was awake and I read or played on the computer when she slept. I also made dinner for Joyce and Arij and Oma and me as they were working at the old house again and it is quite tiring. There is a lot of work to do on a house that has been lived in continuously for 50+ years. I understand Thomas got to use a Scouting skill and cut down one of the old trees in Oma’s garden. Anyway, by the end of the day they were not quite finished but very close. But emotionally and physically they were all pretty worn. So it was nice for me to be able to do something to help. Just hamburgers and fries and some corn but a bit of American flavor for their evening. Seems to have been well-received.

Sunday was Easter but Oma was not feeling up to going to church so we all ended up staying home. Then we drove to Eindhoven where my Uncle Jim and Aunt Ingrid live. Their two sons, Thomas (named for Opa) and Maarten, were also there with their respective girlfriends. Ben and Sandra also came a little later in the evening (just in time for food actually!) Thomas did the honors for the satay - babi and kambing - beef and goatsmeat. Goat is not actually common in Holland but is popular in Indonesia. Fortunately, there is a Muslim butcher near Jim’s so they are able to get it. (I’m not a fan btw.) Jim, Ingrid and Joyce did the rest of the cooking. A really nice Indonesian meal. We sat outside in the unseasonably warm (well, for the Netherlands) and talked. Got quizzed a lot about California and encouraged to move to the Netherlands where there are no earthquakes and wild fires. ;-)

After dinner we got everyone around for a nice family photos session.

From top left, Maarten's girlfriend, Maarten, Jim, Arij, Petra, Thomas - second row Sandra, me, Oma, Joyce and Aunt Ingrid. Front row Sam and Snooker. ;-)

From top left, Maarten's girlfriend, Maarten, Jim, Arij, Petra, Thomas - second row Sandra, me, Oma, Joyce and Aunt Ingrid. Front row Sam and Snooker. ;-)

When it got too cold we moved back indoors and chatted until it got late and we headed back home to Goudswaard.

Unfortunately the day was probably a bit too much excitement for Oma. She had a very bad night, getting up several times with trouble breathing. Joyce came upstairs to let Ben and Sandra (who had stayed the night) and me know what was going on and that we would be curtailing events for the day. We had a very quiet brunch while Oma slept. It was a very somber morning. Everyone was feeling sad and I think just about everyone there had a bit of a crying session. I know I did. It’s very hard. She is a strong and wonderful woman and the depth of the love of her children and grandchildren for her as her days are waning is a testament that. But it is heartbreaking nonetheless.

Ben, Sandra, Sharon and I decided to take a bit of a drive to Willemstad, a fortified city not far from Gousdwaard. It is a lovely placing dating back to the 1500s, built on orders from William of Orange and finished by his son Prince Maurits. Much of the city is still intact although the gates are gone as well as the barracks. It is an officially protect Dutch historical site and as such is well-visited. On this sunny holiday, it was quite busy. We started with a walk along the walls.

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Sharon, Ben and me behind D'Orangemolen (Willaim of Orange windmill)

Sharon, Ben and me behind D'Orangemolen (Willaim of Orange windmill)

Me and my cannon

Me and my cannon

The city was built in a star pattern with ramparts at each of the points. There are seven in all named for the seven provinces that at the time of the city’s founding made up the Republic of the Netherlands. There are also bunkers that where built by the Germans.  There are also sheep. (Note the undocked tails.)

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After  our walk around the perimeter of the city,  we ducked into the Mauritshuis museum just in time to get a couple of minutes at the gift shop. Tried to see the church but it is apparently only open to visitors on Saturdays. Strolled down one of the main streets trying to find a place to have a drink but of course all the tables in the sun were taken. Settled on one that was not in the sun and ordered hot drinks but the wind was very cold so we didn’t linger.

Headed back to the house and Oma was doing a bit better. Joram and his new girlfriend had arrived by then as well as Ezra, Marijke and the kids. Oma was sitting up and talking with everyone which was nice. We had a subdued but very warm family dinner. Joyce had cooked up a storm (more Indonesian FTW!) and we all enjoyed that. We called Paul as well so he got a chance to talk with Oma a little (though her hearing is not good so it’s hard to talk to her on the phone) and Joyce and the cousins as well, which was nice for him. He’s sad not to be able to come but I must say I am proud that he takes his responsibilites at work so seriously.  Between chatting and showing off pictures - and off course Auntie Janice’s obligatory service as Ester’s walker - the evening passed quite nicely.

So, again, to my family who is so wonderful - I try to tell you all in person but for the record, thank you so much for providing such wonderful hospitality, for bending over backwards to give me time with Oma and to share time with all of you. It is a very precious blessing to be with you, my family, who gives so much love even when we see each other so little. And I know Darren thanks you as well for taking such kind and good care of me.

And of course, my deep gratitude to my dearest Darren for also letting this be possible. I love you, deeply, madly and more! ;-)

Well, it is late and I should add some pics and get some sleep. Om Jim comes tomorrow and we will see how Oma is doing.

Many blessings and much love to all.

Petra and Thomas giving Oma flowers.

Petra and Thomas giving Oma flowers.

Still-life with Easter eggs and Tulips

Still-life with Easter eggs and Tulips

Oma and me

Oma and me

Ben and Sandra

Ben and Sandra

I love this pic of Sharon

I love this pic of Sharon

Quiet Days

April 10th, 2009

Not much to report in the last couple of days. Oma has been quite tired though and sleeps a lot. But she is always quite happy to talk when she is awake and there is not a lot of other stuff going on.

Yesterday we had both of the children of my cousin Ezra here. Michael is four and Esther is just over a year old. Michael is a little talker and chattered away about his cars and showed me what they each did. He really loves his little sister too, which is nice to see. Reminds me of how Paul and I were when we were that small. What happened there, huh? ;-)

Today we just had Ester. I think I have made a permanent friend in there. She is not quite able to walk and since her Oma and Opa do not have a walker there, one has to take her hands. She does NOT get tired of this so I think both Esther and Joyce were happy to let me walk her. She takes a little while to warm up but I finally got a few smiles while we were playing with her toys. She was having way too much fun toward the end of the evening - sleepy but not wanting to go to sleep. She did sit on my lap and lay her head on my shoulder for a while though she never quite fell asleep. I guess she fell asleep at last in the car on the way home though.

Tomorrow hopefully the family will finish up work on Oma’s old house. I’ll be here with Oma. Sunday as Easter dinner in Einhoven at my Uncle Jim and Aunt Ingrid’s house. It will be nice to see them when they are not trying to get a bunch of hard work done. Then on Easter Monday (which is a holiday in the Netherlands) all of Joyce and Arij’s children and their respective SOs and kids will be here for a family get together as well.

Anyway, a few pictures and then I am going to bed. Want to get up a little earlier than I have been the last few days so I don’t leave Oma alone too much. Having dragged her all the way to Goudswaard to see me, it would be nice to actually, ya know, see her. ;-)

Blessings to you all,

Janice

Michael and Ester with Oma

Michael and Ester with Oma

Esther showing off her mad "walking" skills

Esther showing off her mad "walking" skills

Michael's 20-something car pile-up - he started to count them and stopped at 20.

Michael's 20-something car pile-up - he started to count them and stopped at 20.

Michael and his Omi

Michael and his Omi

Oma with Esther - I love this picture - such serious faces!

Oma with Esther - I love this picture - such serious faces!

Go Iowa!

April 7th, 2009

Since this is marriage equality and Holland week here at Ravenstower, and I’m not in Holland:

Background: This is the Iowa State Senate Majority Leader, Mike Gronstal, telling the Minority Leader that he won’t be helping overturn the recent court decision on marriage equality, and why.

Moar pasty middle-aged white guys in suits like this, plz :)