So tomorrow will be 16 months since we were LID with China. And almost 2 ½ years since we started this whole journey. It’s probably redundant for me to say this is not where I thought we would be by this point back in 2005. It’s probably even more redundant for me to say how depressing this is.
I feel like we are still being stymied in our efforts to adopt. Even though we have made the decision to start a concurrent adoption in Vietnam, not much has happened in that regard. There was a flurry of activity to find the agency we wanted to work with. Now we’re being stalled out by contract negotiations, health insurance snafus and other stupid stuff. Cannot even get the never-sufficiently-damned home study update finished to get our I171H renewed!
Crap! (Actually much harsher phrases are in my head but I’ll refrain.)
All in all I find my faith in this process being assailed on all sides. I want this to happen. But there are times I am not sure I believe it will happen any longer. Is the Universe trying to tell us something? Or is this another type of Test? Of our patience, resolve and will to be parents perhaps? I don’t know. It’s depressing and right now I feel like crying every time I think about it.
Also, it seems everyone around me is having kids and I am sooo jealous. I know that sounds awful. I am happy for them (or at least I am when the Universe is not so utterly revolving around me that I forget 😉 ) but I just feel so sad that it is not me.
I had my honest-to-god first Insensitive Comment ™ the other day. I was lamenting about the wait to a person that I thought understood why we had decided not to have biological children. This person said to me I could always just change my mind and have, to paraphrase, “kids of my own…”
Fortunately this is not a close personal friend or a family member. And I guess the lesson here is: don’t share the reason that one is adopting to anyone that is not Family. But it still shook me. This is also a highly intelligent and usually sensitive person so both the assumption that it would be a simple thing to change such an important decision and the “kids of your own” comment took me completely by surprise. I shut up and left the room after the comment was made. I don’t know if this person got the message or is they think I am just a bitch now but either way, I really don’t care. I may take the time to educate a little more later but right now I’m too pissed.
I guess I don’t have much more to say here. Sorry to be such a downer.
On the plus side my nose doesn’t require any surgery, I now have an embarrassment of riches in respect to my opportunities for horseback riding and Vegas was a blast. Plus we are gearing up for a great big birthday for my darling Darren. And Great Western War is in the not-too-distant future. So I have some things to look forward to.
Meanwhile, we’re waiting, just waiting for Lorelei Shannon or Baby Boy (still gotta think of a BOY name!)